Time Stood Still

1 02 2010

It is not often that I dally to talk, much less to speak about myself. It is, you understand, in my nature to keep moving, to flow, run, soar. The concept that people have about a slow, stately passage is no more than an illusion. I may on occasion slow to a walk but that is as brief as it is rare. Too late do many of your kind discover the true speed of my journey; too late do they realize that I have traversed more than they believed possible, and that their years have withered in my wake. Yes, it is a true thing that you say – I wait for no man and I never look back.

 What is that you ask? Am I in a hurry now? Ah, no. Now is something I define. I can afford to wait a little while, after all my travels thus far. While the world sleeps around you, and while the far side of the earth lies frozen in the sunshine, while the universe hangs poised and ready to push on in its neverending growth… I can tarry a little. It is a change, and you already know that I embrace change as I must. This is welcome, after my constant motion. Let me stay young awhile, before I must face the seasons where I grow old and die and am reborn again on my endless cycle. One tires of routine, even when change is the routine, and nothing I have seen can take away my bone-deep need for rest.

For all that I am capable of, my course is not charted by my own hand. I have witnessed everything, yet I have not the will to carve my future; my steps are always to be determined by others. I have seen leaders born, men and women who would change the world by altering the pattern of my path, and I have seen them fall on the very roads they decreed I should take. I have seen the brevity of everything conceivable. There is nothing of which mankind is proud that is not also essentially flawed. Wisdom, too, is fettered; a mere perception that is bound by the limits of knowledge and thus flawed on the simple basis of being human.

I do not seek to imply that I know all that will happen. It is true that I see all there is to see, yet things take place every day, that defy history. Thus it would not be fair to say that I know all that will be, all which will come, if only because I have seen all that has already happened. I do remember well – the memory of all that has ever been, and all that is happening, is embedded within me. Every flickering notion, whim, desire, idea; they are created as mine, as much as they are yours. But nobody can claim to know the future, not even immortal Time, in spite of my relation to Fate. It is an ironic twist that links humanity to me as an eternal entity, regardless that I have been alive since the first heartbeat of creation.

Am I keeping you from your rest? Ah, you seem surprised that I express consideration. I have not been able to comprehend that aspect of my being either. It is only logical to expect Time to be like my cousin, Fate, void of all sentiment. Perhaps it is in order to balance Fate that I am allowed to feel as I do. I have no more knowledge of morals than Fate – who am I to judge what is good and what is not? What right do I have, I who cannot charter my own journey, to dictate the morality of anything? As deeply as I know the truth and as well as I see each of you for whom you are without passing judgement, so too do I merely know of emotions. So too am I familiar with pain, joy, wrath, frustration… so too do I see how one occurrence brings happiness to some and sorrow to others, for though the things that happen do not touch me, it is mortal, fleeting emotions that do. I suspect that because I know emotion, I am being eroded by weakness. To show feeling is weak, and in doing so I am failing my cause. Time marches on, you have said, and this should be true, were it not for my own weakness in feeling. Solitude and sorrow should not have the ability to touch me – I, who have no heart to offer the world! I, who walk without so much as glancing over my shoulder; who explores the ways that Fate has destined!

And yet… yet I feel heavy to leave you. I know that I must go, yet this brief respite has paradoxically strengthened my weaknesses. Come, I have tarried long enough. You may have no recollection of this – I see you have been recording our conversation! While there is no certainty as to whether you can salvage anything of it, I like to think your actions provide me with a chance to plot my own journey for once. One cannot deny that it would be interesting to see where my road takes me if you succeed. You would do well to feel no resentment against me for unwittingly aiding my purpose. Remember your place, if you will, and that I have chosen you out of everyone else to document these non-moments.

 It is not often that Time stands still.

 





The post that was almost emo

9 01 2010

Here’s a list. And the title says it all.

1. Some people are irritating.

2. Sometimes we are surrounded by people. Sometimes we are alone.

3. It is not possible to understand the way everyone thinks.

4. Strangling people will get you into trouble.

5. I have not tried to strangle anyone. Yet.

6. Everything takes time to adjust to. Some things take longer than others.

7. The backs of my heels ache.

8. Self-inflicted wounds can be more dangerous than acquired ones.

9. One week down. Bring it on.

10. Oh, and you? We’re just past that now.  Whatever.





Ain’t it the truth

25 12 2009

-Prologue-
Coloured lights spiralling into confusion
Silver-shot obsidian streaked with dark wine
Glittering secrets trapped within absolution
Like so many memories drifting through time

———-

Remember, remember, cries the rose stained with life
Firedrops dissolve silently in emerald waters
Belief is a sheathe for innocence’s knife
One cannot be lost without eroding the other.

Truth can weave lies, spiderwebs of deceit
Faith can be used, speckled sapphire with pain
What’s past is the past no matter how we treat it
There would be no difference if we were to live it again.

Knowing that beauty cannot warrant joy
And anger is often more harmful than sorrow
Understand that love is a fleeting, fickle toy
But one that’s still better to own than to borrow.

Rubies and diamonds hang like dew on a string
Waiting to fall but never quite going astray
The words of our lives wear ivory ink
Casually fading as our days wear away.

Ebony steel cannot bend but can break
Shattering into ten thousand shards of black pearl
Nothing in the universe could my heart take
For you hold it apart, away from the world.

———-

-Epilogue-
Coloured lights spiralling into confusion
Silver-shot obsidian streaked with dark wine
Glittering secrets trapped within absolution
Just out of reach, just beyond time.





Tag – All the beautiful people

24 12 2009

Who…
… is easy to love?
My dog :D

… do you just wanna smack?
Cesc Fabregas. Just to make him see that the Gunners need their captain next season too :’(

… do you trust?
Connor, my stuffed dragon. Ahahaha.

… do you talk to when you’re alone?
Myself. Like, more than is probably reasonably healthy o.O

What…
… dangerous things do you do?
I… think dangerous thoughts. Lol.

… are you allergic to?
Crustaceans. Sulphur. So if you want to cause me severe discomfort take me to Rotorua and hand me a prawn.

… is Satan’s last name?
What, you want me to ask him??

… is the freakiest thing in your house?
Me!! :P

When…
… is it time to turn over a new leaf?
When the old leaf has caterpillars.

… will you be all that you can be?
Excuse me. I try that every day. I’ll let you know when it shows B)

… is enough enough?
When I say so! xD

… do you go to the dark side?
I don’t go. It comes to me. Muahahahahaha.

Where…
… are your pants?
They were on my rear the last I checked… but now I’m not sure O.O

… is your last will and testament?
In my head, just so I can nullify it. Hehehe.

… is your junk food stash?
I’m insulted. I do not have a junk food stash. (I mean, I have to say that here because otherwise it wouldn’t be a secret now would it.)

… is Carmen Sandiego?
In Atlantis. Lol. Fictional character, mythological place. It only seems appropriate.

Why…
… was the Lone Ranger alone?
He wasn’t very good with pickup lines.

… was The Scarlet Letter scarlet?
They ran out of normal paper.

… are musicians sexy and plumbers not?
Nonsense. I wouldn’t mind marrying a plumber. A spanner is as sexy as a cello.

… are there no seat belts on school buses?
Because… it’s not like the kids want to wear them anyway.

Would you…
… swim the English Channel for a doughnut and coffee? If not that, what?
Omg. If that isn’t guaranteed for me after swimming across the Channel then I wouldn’t do it at all. Hell, after that I had better have a permanent discount card for Starbucks. Uhhh… I’d do it for the sake of another person/people who need/s a miracle.

… forgive someone who deliberately hurt you?
I’m afraid not. Unless they’ve had a massive change of heart. And even then I don’t forget easy.

… rather believe a lie if it hurt you less than the truth?
I’m afraid I probably would want to. But I’m also afraid that I probably wouldn’t. I doubt that anything could stop me from harping on the truth at any rate.

… you still be alive if you were sucked out of an airplane window?
Depends. How big is your vacuum? :P

-because not all the hearts in the world belong to all the beautiful people-





The Christmas List 09

18 12 2009

Already? Ah well. Santa, I hope this year doesn’t freak you out any more than last year’s. Heh. You might need an extra sack. Here it is, the third Christmas list.

1. For Jon, a big bowl of hot soup, and a day off. Oh, and it has to be a warm day with lots of sunshine. /twinkles/

2. For Stu, a puppy or a kitten. I would say a new laptop but he already has one… :P

3. For Fred, one of Spiderman’s web-shooters and a bunch of baubles. LOL.

4. For someone (oh you know who), a manstick. Ahaha.  j/k xP

5. For someone else (again, you know who), a tank. I think it would save on bamboo shoots and you can trust that someone knows what to do with it. I promise there won’t be any (read: much) destruction, it’s just for show.

6. For all my girlfriends, a beanie baby. Ryn put me up to it from her yahoo status message and they’re cute and we can’t all have Taylor Lautner and Eddie Cahill has always been mine. Any more objections? xD

7. For my piano, a pet metronome. Don’t ask. o.O

8. And for all the people out there in the world spending Christmas away from home, a great big hug and Santa, I know you can do something about it. You know what they’d all want most.

Okay, Santa. That’s pretty much it for this year.  Take care and don’t let Rudolph in the eggnog.

Love,
Xacrest





The Long-awaited List

8 12 2009

Behold! A list.

1. I am happy.

2. I am free. (sort of. read: occupied fully with things I like.)

3. I am reading The Gathering Storm. I am devouring every word of it.

4. I am looking forward to FRIDAY.

5. I have cleared my room. Muahahaha. No, the world is not going to end.

6. I am drawing again. OOOH.

7. I <3 Mat Cauthon.

My idea of fun. I'm the dragon, of course. Heh.

Did I mention I am happy?





The Gathering Storm

16 11 2009

Wow… it’s been a while since my last post on rl. But anyway, this is such great news I just HAVE to share it with everyone!! Behold the List:

1. The late Robert Jordan only managed to finish 11 out of his 12-book epic saga, the Wheel of Time.
2. Before he passed on, he told close family members and friends the details of the plot for the final book.
3. Brandon Sanderson was tasked to write the twelfth and final book of the Wheel of Time, to be titled The Gathering Storm.
4. It was published and…

5. I HAVE IT. Muahahahahahahahaha. … but…

6. I have to wait till I’m liberated from the public exams before I can read it. Oh well. It’s just so nice to look at it and feel happy ^^ <insert dweeb laugh>

gathering_stormLet the dragon ride again on the winds of time.





Halloween tag :O

28 10 2009

1. What is your favorite written work of horror fiction?
Uh. I don’t have a favourite one but Dracula is a classic I love to reread.

2. What is your favorite work of science fiction/fantasy?
Too many to list. Terry Brooks, Tolkien, Robert Jordan, anything in an anthology collected by Gardner Dozois, Jim Butcher, etc.

3. Who is your favorite monster?
Lol. The drain monster xD

4. What is your favorite Horror movie?
Omg I don’t care to choose a favourite seeing I almost never finish any due to cold feet. Probably… the Village although I don’t know if that qualifies.

5. What horror movie gives you the most chills?
Mirrors. o.O

6. What character from any horror film would you most like to play?
Doesn’t matter what film. I want to be the one who actually makes it to the end of the movie.

7. Freddy or Jason?
Ew neither. I only date non-psychos.

8. What is your favorite Halloween treat?
Well, candy isn’t seasonal here… Mars Bars? ^^

9. Ghosts or goblins?
Ghosts are more dangerous I hear but they’re a bit more normal than goblins.

10. Friendly-faced jack-o’-lantern or scary one?
Friendly. What kinda question is that?!

11. What is your scariest encounter with the paranormal?
I only have imaginary ones. And I plan to keep it that way!

12. Do you believe in ghosts? Why or why not?
Kinda. I mean, if you’ve ever watched Ghost Hunters it’s tough not to.

13. Would you rather be a zombie, alien, or psycho?
Alien. Heck, I’m already halfway there.

14. Favorite Halloween costume?
I’d go as a hippie! j/k. Probably a ghost would be the easiest. Big tablecloth and so on. Come to think of it I already have all the black necessary to be a modern witch.

15. Best thing about Halloween?
People post all sorts of weird things on their blogs and channels.

16. Person in your family who most likes Halloween (not counting yourself)?
Erm… we’d all like it more if it were a holiday =P

17. Are you superstitious?
To an extent.

18. Share an unusual Halloween story.
Last Halloween, I stayed home and chatted online. /boggle, I know.

demon





The Cocktail Terza Rima

22 10 2009

It took two sazeracs before I could see
all I taken too long to realize
For in every glass that they brought to me

Your taste lingered in absinthe and crushed ice.
I tried to bleach my mind with batidas
But forgetting comes with too high a price

I washed it down with three blue margaritas
Tinted an indigo I had never tried
And I even had a burning sakerinha

The memories blazed, scorching, inside
So I had something sharp, a Death in the afternoon.
All I could think of was still green eyes.

mojito





The City Villanelle

4 10 2009

In the silent hour between dreams and the sun
I woke up and looked out upon the city
As night was fading but the day had not yet begun

They say that in the city a day is never done
And there is no such thing as stopping, not even
In the silent hour between dreams and the sun

From windows static whispered like threads spun
from silver, trailing into the smoky sky
As night was fading but the day had not yet begun

I tasted the neon glow and watched the lights run
Swirling into a midnight cocktail streaked with colour
In the silent hour between dreams and the sun

And I understood, then, in a heartbeat, how anyone
can get drunk on pleasure, fall into sweetest sin
As night was fading but the day had not yet begun

Some of the things that decide how the war is won
are the thoughts that pass through countless minds
As night was fading but the day had not yet begun
In the silent hour between dreams and the sun.

-note: kind of a blank-verse-villanelle, not using the second line rhyme system xD

ny